Entry #20: This is John

Hello everyone! I'm John. This is my first blog... Hmmmm... A bit about myself? I live in Luke's head, I am everything he wants to be, and as his ship was sinking he took his good traits and put them into me. I'll post from time to time, more frequently as he lets me take over more. So! Some fun things happened at work. Like when we ended, I said we were closing, right? Well, I got a comment from a fellow lifeguard that I sounded too mean. So I rephrased it. "good night everyone, and I hope you had a pleasant stay. Please leave the pool in a timely manner... BEFORE I TAZE THE WATER!" Not surprisingly, it cleared the water very quickly. I have more, but honestly I'm tired. Luke's already asleep. Good night!

Entry #19: Pick up Tricks a la Luke

Am I feeling good? No, not really. But fuck it, this shit's important. I can't type, been too busy throwing my life away and killing brain cells, but I'll try to use proper spelling. Alright. Okay. Thanks John. John, I understand. Anyways, moving on. So, how to pick up hot babes. I got this. Hold on. Yeah, this is actual legitimate advice. However, I suck at following my own advice, so This is why I'm a single lonely asshole. John cooler, but I tell him to shut up. He's a nice guy. AAAANNNYWAYS, moving on again. 

Rule #1: Be yourself. Sounds cheesy as fuck, but it's true as fuck too. Have a good sense of who the fuck you are. A lot of people (I've done this myself, too) go "Oh, if I just change who I am and become who she/he wants me to be, I'll finally find love and they'll love me forever and..." listen, if that mofo doesn't love you for you then they're not worth your time! Got it? You are you. Not anyone else.

Rule #2: Be confident. People are attracted to confidence. Now, there isn't much to explain about confidence, but here are some tips on how to gain it.
          1.) Make eye contact with people as you walk bye. And, and. If they make eye contact with you, smile. Smile and beam at them. Don't give some sissy ass half smile. Smile with your teeth. Smile like you mean it. It'll make their day and increase your comfort level with other people, not to mention if they're someone you need to be dealing with like a cashier, they'll prolly to a better job at it. That leads us to...

          2.) Talk to people. Now, I know my viewership, and they're a bunch of insane people so let me clarify. Talk to people WHO YOU HAVE A REASONABLE REASON to talk to, and talk about SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE things. For example, your cashier. Or waiter. Or someone walking in the same direction as you, alone. People like this. Bring up a movie you watched, or a tv show you like, or a game you played, or a popular event which happened. Something. Start a conversation. Again, it'll boost your skills talking with people, and make their day.

Rule #3: Don't let rejection punch you in the face. If you get rejected, IMMEDIATELY move on. Don't linger, don't let it get you down. Once you're rejected, especially by a person whom you don't have a friendship with, they cease to exist. Poof. They're gone. So, move on. Find another one, a better one. You've got this shit.

And there you have it folks. How to be successful with the people you want to be with. It ain't complicated, but it may be hard to enact. I know I have problems. But, if you follow this, I promise you'll find someone good for you. Unless you have really bad skills at finding compatible people. Then you're screwed. But other than that... you've got this shit. Go and get 'em.

Entry #18: Summer break

Ah... Summer break is nice. I get to relax in the sun, watching people and listening to screaming children and making money. But the best part is the seclusion. All my friends are out on vacation doing fun stuff so I get to be left alone. It's nice, sometimes, to separate myself from my "normal" "friends". Everything is calm and slow down. So much less drama , no astronomical expectations of me, I don't need to act a certain way or talk or do anything I don't want to do for me. Friends.. You're my friends. But most are inconsistent, only needing me when you need me and not being there when you don't. But whatever. I'm fine. I'm free. During this time, I do what I want, when I want. So I take my leave. You don't need me, and I finally get to not need you.

Entry #17: Lucky Bastards...

Alrighty, it's Wednesday the 19th, and it's not fun funny Luke day. It's real talk Luke day, and I'm not sure just how long this post is gonna be. Look, this is about love. Not the "ooooohhhh I loooooveee yooouuuu" kind of love,this is the "I care about how you feel and your well being" kind of love. It's the love that everyone "should" have for their friends and family. Emphasis on the "should." See, I've noticed friends of mine who are feeling depressed and shitz like that, and I'm anong that count. But come on guys! I know at least one person you can talk to, one person who listens and cares. Me. That's right, me. I'll listen to whatever you want, no matter how pissed I am at you, no matter how annoyed you are making me, I will always love you. Remember that, alright? I've got your back, I promise. Now, can I find someone like that? I know that you guys have a non 0 amount of people who care for you, but do I? I don't know. I've been pretty damn alone when I need people to talk to who legitimatly care about how I feel and who want to help. I don't even care if you can't help. I know I can't help all of you with all of your problems, but I'll stubbornly try to anyways! Where did loyalty go, people? Where'd all the good people go? I've been changing channels I don't see them on no tv shows... Sorry, got lost in song the but seriously! Where? I'm just... I'm lost, okay? And while I'll help you be found, I'm still here.
Waiting.

Entry #16: Stories

I'm sitting here staring at my phone, not quite knowing what to write, what to say to properly express just how I feel. Today isn't "Luke's storytime" or anything about what happened today, this is just about me. Oh, I'm Luke, by the way. I'm not gonna use a stupid nickname or alias. If someone I know reads this and wants me to hide their identity, I will, but for the most part I'm going to use real names. Alot easier to remember. Anyways, it's Tuesday. I can post on Mondays. This means that if I post this it might be a bit out of date. I might write one fresh on Monday for that reason. But I digress. The real point of this blog is to talk about stories. I don't know how you read stories, but when I do I become the main character. This isn't a "I'm really into the book" or even "wow this character is awesome I'm gonna cosplay as them" oh no. This is "I relate to this character and now their emotions become mine involuntarily. Now, I have to like the story and relate, but... Let's take Artemis Fowl. Excellent series. After reading the first three books I was a teenage criminal mastermind genius for a month. It was scary, for me and those around me. I'm empathetic to story characters. So please, please, PLEASE don't give me a character who's parents are divorced but are forced to tentatively interact with catastrophic consequences because of said character, or who doesn't feel at home in their own body (bi-sexual in a hetero only tolerance family), or who can't quite tell the person that they really like how they feel because they value the friendship, or who clings to parts of their past stubbornly because that's the only link they have to what they were before. It's a bad idea,
m-Kay? Anyways, Now that I have that out of the way... I'm a lifeguard. Wooo.

Entry #15: I AM A LIFEGUARD

That's right, motha fuckas! I'm a lifeguard, certified and bonafide. Gonna get paid to sit around with my shirt off and occasionally save lives.

When you're a lifeguard, you can say anything to calm down a victim. Anything. But. "Everything is going to be okay." Can't say it, can't say it. Gonna get sued if you say it. So I've gotten to saying things more along the lines of "WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?!?" "HAVE YOU HAD A NICE DAY TODAY?" "I LIKE YOUR HAIR!" and other things along those lines. The point is to be assertive :D

Okay, I'm going to complain about my dad a lot here. Not because he's bad, but because he's awesome. My dad is the most amazing fucking person ever, emphasis on the fucking. Like, going out with 4 chicks at a time, including hot redheads and strippers, most of which are closer to my age than his. Fucking dad... Ya know, it's hard to be mad because he's my dad. But c'mon... HE'S MY DAD! It's just a strange setup. And here I am over here being like, "Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, I'm just gonna be hopeless over here in my corner..."

Oh well, That's my week. Oh! And party with Christ tomorrow. See ya!

Entry #14: Summer is here

Which means this can be a normal thing! Or I just get one less excuse. Anyways, I mainly posted this to note two things

1.) My family is the best family ever. WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER! Which we aren't a lot, but that's fine. But the main point is...
Me: (On computer. Get's random nosebleed due to dehydration [IT HAPPENS, OKAY?])
Dad: You watching porn?

No, not "Are you okay?" or "Need a tissue?" Because we watch Dragon ball AVIDLY. Not moderately or lightly or normally or casually. We are addicted to it. It's a drug of the most intense kind. Grew up on it and grow old on it. Although, nosebleeds are in every anime. Like, any anime that has perverts and/or hot chicks has the whole "Spring a nosebleed" thing going on, which I'm guessing (?) is a metaphor for popping a boner? I don't know, it's odd. AND IT DOES NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE! Unless you have a medical condition, in which case that's unfortunate. But yeah, nosebleed = porn

2.) I passed sophomore year. Albeit barely, but I PASSED! NO MAKEUP WORK FOR ME! So now I get to do fun, productive things, like take precal over the summer, or work, or do drivers ed stuff.  That one was short

On another topic, That camera? Yeah, it's coming. I keep saying it is. But it is. I promise.

Eventually.