Entry #24: The Merging is Complete

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcLksPtA-J0

So, I was in a bad place. Like, the kind of place where I go to murder people bad. So, to fix this problem I created John, the alternate, better, more confident, less asshole version of me. With the intention of one day putting all the pieces back together and making myself whole again. (I understand this sounds completely insane to people that don't know me. Shit, it sounds completely insane to people who do know me.) Well, I can say that I've been trying and we've been one and the same for some time now. Yay! Honestly, it I wasn't ready, buuuuut some stuff came up and I needed to not kill some people. Badly. So, to people who I won't mention here, be grateful that this happened so that you can stay alive. And to people who are close to those people, be grateful that I care enough about you to do this.

I'm not sure what else to write about. I'm still sick (Mentally-always but physically-now) and I've got a truck ton of work and shit. On the plus side, I'm smooth talkin' Vince Fontaine in the school production of Grease. Yeah, I'm gonna be in a musical. Fuck. YES!

I also am working my way up the LoL ladder. Gotta hit that silver bracket against before the season is out.

I also eat a lot.

Working Saturdays.

Sundays I'm off.

But I'm guessing I'll still miss any functions my friends have planned. Oh well.

BYE!

Entry #23: The quick load down in fragments

I'm lazy, yeah. So. Hi. I'm back, and still doing some pretty stupid things. I also don't remember many of the full complete stories of what has been happening (Probably because of the one thing I do remember happening[I'll have a gif. of it eventually for y'all's entertainment pleasure]) so I'll just put some little snippets.

FLORIDA!
Aunt: There's something in the water!
Coley Guys: Like what?
Aunt: I don't know! It was... Long. And brown and slippery and shlongy!

Aunt: Damnit, my shoes are dirty. I need some slick Dick's.
Me: You need some slick dicks?
Uncle: Yeah, for all those slippery shlongy things in the water.

Dad: You just beat me because I drank 4 margaritas.
Me: Dad, I could beat you after drinking 4 margaritas.
Dad: Well, I don't have time to make 4 more margaritas.
Me: Fine, I'll just take the equivalent in shots!
Everyone: I've got to see this.
[Insert Said Future acquired gif. here of me taking said shots]
(Proceed to beat my dad 4 times at LoL)
Dad: (Immediately after the last game) Whatever, let's arm wrestle.
Me: (Passes out)

(Watching a movie called Earth Girls are Easy)
Me: you know, if I was an alien, I'd definitely want to crash land in someone's pool in the valley.
I'm a Blonde (This doesn't need any commentary[Actually, this is my view on many blondes that I know and don't know. If you happen to be blonde, please prove me wrong. Also, really entertaining song])

And then school started. Pretty cool, I guess. None of the back to school anxiety most people have. But you know what I did get? Something similar to pneumonia. Knocked me out of school for the 3rd and 4th days of school. Wonderful. And even as miserable as I was, being sick and all, I still managed to be productive, not get behind in my classes, and go undefeated for a day in League and climb a rung of the Ladder. Productive shit right there. Anyways, that brings us to today, without adding all of the times I collapsed from pain, went on punching bag rampages in anger, or sunk into a corner from depression. Or any combination of the three. Or any of the times I did or said anything stupid in regards to my friends. I guess I omitted a lot. Oh well. BYE!

Entry #22: This thing exists?

So hello again, people. I didn't die, amazingly. Although many instances occurred in which I could have, but I didn't. Anyways, quite a bit has happened since my last post. Mainly me being stupid, but we'll attempt (emphasis on that, it's pretty hard when that's the bulk of what I do) to skip all of my stupidity. To be fair, while my advice on doing things is impeccable, my own personal application in terms of long term actions sucks. Short term? I got this shit. Long term? I'm the worst. Okay, got that over with. So.... I'm 16. No, not driving. Don't even have a permit. I'm far too lazy to do that, but I promise I will. Anyways, for my 16th birthday I got a backpack, a water bottle, 250$ which were promptly spent on pre-calculus, my computer which I had to pay half for (Got a computer with a camera, time to make videos!) and a nook e-reader. Oh, and an aerial screw. And the best book ever from my sister. The book wins, because it's hand made from my sister, honestly.Oh! I got my first pay check (And by now my second). Probably the most beautiful thing ever. And I had to see it all go to pay for the training that I was required to take to get the money in the first place. Stupid system. Alrighty, this is where we get to the really stupid things that I've done. Sadly. So, I went to this concert. Cypress Hill, 311, Sublime with Rome, Pennywise, and some other group. Idk, I ordered this from most to least important to me. The point is, ALL OF THEM WERE STONER BANDS! ALL OF THEM! So, we go to the concert, right? 1$ hot dogs. I had 16 dollars worth. No ketchup, though, which really pissed me off. Before the concert, I asked everyone "hey, maybe we should bring condiments. The concert might run out, you know?" But they were all like, "Nah, they'll have everything." So of course that's a big "I-told-you-so" moment. Then we finally get to the lawn, get a nice place to sit (and some beers) and we wait for the show to start. People are coming, and coming, filling the arena, lighting cigarettes, and just chilling, right? First band goes, it's all right, second band, a bit better. Then, Cypress Hill comes out and instantly I just smell something that is TOTALLY NOT A CIGARETTE! Look to my left and literally 10 feet away is this guy just smoking a doobie. I'm like "how'd he even get that in here? They checked our bags! And our pockets!" But then I look down and just.... He smuggled it in his groin, alright? My guess, at least. So, moving on, more and more people start on that train. Great show, by the way, excellent group. Lost 5 dollars to my dad because I thought Insane in the Membrane would be their last song. He thought it would be So you Wanna be a Rap Superstar. He was right... Anyways, Cypress Hill leaves, 311 comes on and BOOM! another group of pot smokers. They're everywhere, the ratio to pot heads to non is like 100:1. But, what's funny is now my dad's like "Hey Luke, I feel really under prepared. Can you go score us some weed?" And I'm like "DAD! WOAH! Why can't you do it yourself?"
"I'm busy..."
"Dad, you're drinking a beer while talking to a friend listening to 311"
"Exactly! Busy!"
"But I'm drinking a beer talking to girls listening to 311!"
"Doesn't matter, go."
So I have to leave, and I'm just walking around, walking around, right? And I end up somewhere, I'm not sure where, and I'm at the end of the line and someone just passes me one, all casual like right? And I'm like "Okay, on one side, this is bad. On the other... this is expensive, and it'll fit right in with  this concert" So.... I said thank you and passed it back. Moving on, the show ends (Sublime went on but we were all COMPLETELY TRASHED and so didn't really pay attention much. I sang most of the songs from these last three groups) and we're walking around back to the car but still around because we were all stumbly and shit, and I see this blanket, right? And I'm thinking "Well, the owners aren't coming back, so..." I took the blanket. Yeah, I've got this huge ass blanket for no reason for free. Best souvenir ever. Then, due to the fact that we were hungry and intoxicate, the NATURAL place to go is iHop, right? Get there and every pot head from Galveston to Dallas had the exact same idea. Totally packed. That idea's scrapped, so we move on to the next restaurant down. It's a place called Bikinis. Excellent place, completely empty, smoking hot waitresses in bikinis... I was glad we didn't go to IHop, really. So, now we're on the road, and in conclusion... I am SO glad that my dad is a good driver so we didn't die on the way home.

Whew, an actual story for once. I did things, yay! And we're still not up to date... I'll post later.

Entry #21: I hate people

So there's somethings wrong with how my phone interfaces with blogger, so I think y'all can't see the title. Also, woo, my blog can drink now.

Okay, so I hate people. I'm not talking about a specific person, I'm talking about people as a whole. When I was grounded I couldn't see peopleso much that i actually grew to like being alone and  not around other people. And now, but now that I actually have the chance to see my friends and socialize and all that shit... I don't want to. I want to sit at home and be left alone with the friends that  I have  in my head. I like my solitude, my cage. It's comforting. And calm. Ish. I don't know if it's just that... I just don't know, really. Like... I'm just so frustrated at so many people, and no one understands but myself, and I can't explain it without being insane! I used to love people. All the time I would yearn to talk and yadda yadda. So did I change? Or did the people change? Maybe it's both. I don't know.

Entry #20: This is John

Hello everyone! I'm John. This is my first blog... Hmmmm... A bit about myself? I live in Luke's head, I am everything he wants to be, and as his ship was sinking he took his good traits and put them into me. I'll post from time to time, more frequently as he lets me take over more. So! Some fun things happened at work. Like when we ended, I said we were closing, right? Well, I got a comment from a fellow lifeguard that I sounded too mean. So I rephrased it. "good night everyone, and I hope you had a pleasant stay. Please leave the pool in a timely manner... BEFORE I TAZE THE WATER!" Not surprisingly, it cleared the water very quickly. I have more, but honestly I'm tired. Luke's already asleep. Good night!

Entry #19: Pick up Tricks a la Luke

Am I feeling good? No, not really. But fuck it, this shit's important. I can't type, been too busy throwing my life away and killing brain cells, but I'll try to use proper spelling. Alright. Okay. Thanks John. John, I understand. Anyways, moving on. So, how to pick up hot babes. I got this. Hold on. Yeah, this is actual legitimate advice. However, I suck at following my own advice, so This is why I'm a single lonely asshole. John cooler, but I tell him to shut up. He's a nice guy. AAAANNNYWAYS, moving on again. 

Rule #1: Be yourself. Sounds cheesy as fuck, but it's true as fuck too. Have a good sense of who the fuck you are. A lot of people (I've done this myself, too) go "Oh, if I just change who I am and become who she/he wants me to be, I'll finally find love and they'll love me forever and..." listen, if that mofo doesn't love you for you then they're not worth your time! Got it? You are you. Not anyone else.

Rule #2: Be confident. People are attracted to confidence. Now, there isn't much to explain about confidence, but here are some tips on how to gain it.
          1.) Make eye contact with people as you walk bye. And, and. If they make eye contact with you, smile. Smile and beam at them. Don't give some sissy ass half smile. Smile with your teeth. Smile like you mean it. It'll make their day and increase your comfort level with other people, not to mention if they're someone you need to be dealing with like a cashier, they'll prolly to a better job at it. That leads us to...

          2.) Talk to people. Now, I know my viewership, and they're a bunch of insane people so let me clarify. Talk to people WHO YOU HAVE A REASONABLE REASON to talk to, and talk about SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE things. For example, your cashier. Or waiter. Or someone walking in the same direction as you, alone. People like this. Bring up a movie you watched, or a tv show you like, or a game you played, or a popular event which happened. Something. Start a conversation. Again, it'll boost your skills talking with people, and make their day.

Rule #3: Don't let rejection punch you in the face. If you get rejected, IMMEDIATELY move on. Don't linger, don't let it get you down. Once you're rejected, especially by a person whom you don't have a friendship with, they cease to exist. Poof. They're gone. So, move on. Find another one, a better one. You've got this shit.

And there you have it folks. How to be successful with the people you want to be with. It ain't complicated, but it may be hard to enact. I know I have problems. But, if you follow this, I promise you'll find someone good for you. Unless you have really bad skills at finding compatible people. Then you're screwed. But other than that... you've got this shit. Go and get 'em.

Entry #18: Summer break

Ah... Summer break is nice. I get to relax in the sun, watching people and listening to screaming children and making money. But the best part is the seclusion. All my friends are out on vacation doing fun stuff so I get to be left alone. It's nice, sometimes, to separate myself from my "normal" "friends". Everything is calm and slow down. So much less drama , no astronomical expectations of me, I don't need to act a certain way or talk or do anything I don't want to do for me. Friends.. You're my friends. But most are inconsistent, only needing me when you need me and not being there when you don't. But whatever. I'm fine. I'm free. During this time, I do what I want, when I want. So I take my leave. You don't need me, and I finally get to not need you.

Entry #17: Lucky Bastards...

Alrighty, it's Wednesday the 19th, and it's not fun funny Luke day. It's real talk Luke day, and I'm not sure just how long this post is gonna be. Look, this is about love. Not the "ooooohhhh I loooooveee yooouuuu" kind of love,this is the "I care about how you feel and your well being" kind of love. It's the love that everyone "should" have for their friends and family. Emphasis on the "should." See, I've noticed friends of mine who are feeling depressed and shitz like that, and I'm anong that count. But come on guys! I know at least one person you can talk to, one person who listens and cares. Me. That's right, me. I'll listen to whatever you want, no matter how pissed I am at you, no matter how annoyed you are making me, I will always love you. Remember that, alright? I've got your back, I promise. Now, can I find someone like that? I know that you guys have a non 0 amount of people who care for you, but do I? I don't know. I've been pretty damn alone when I need people to talk to who legitimatly care about how I feel and who want to help. I don't even care if you can't help. I know I can't help all of you with all of your problems, but I'll stubbornly try to anyways! Where did loyalty go, people? Where'd all the good people go? I've been changing channels I don't see them on no tv shows... Sorry, got lost in song the but seriously! Where? I'm just... I'm lost, okay? And while I'll help you be found, I'm still here.
Waiting.

Entry #16: Stories

I'm sitting here staring at my phone, not quite knowing what to write, what to say to properly express just how I feel. Today isn't "Luke's storytime" or anything about what happened today, this is just about me. Oh, I'm Luke, by the way. I'm not gonna use a stupid nickname or alias. If someone I know reads this and wants me to hide their identity, I will, but for the most part I'm going to use real names. Alot easier to remember. Anyways, it's Tuesday. I can post on Mondays. This means that if I post this it might be a bit out of date. I might write one fresh on Monday for that reason. But I digress. The real point of this blog is to talk about stories. I don't know how you read stories, but when I do I become the main character. This isn't a "I'm really into the book" or even "wow this character is awesome I'm gonna cosplay as them" oh no. This is "I relate to this character and now their emotions become mine involuntarily. Now, I have to like the story and relate, but... Let's take Artemis Fowl. Excellent series. After reading the first three books I was a teenage criminal mastermind genius for a month. It was scary, for me and those around me. I'm empathetic to story characters. So please, please, PLEASE don't give me a character who's parents are divorced but are forced to tentatively interact with catastrophic consequences because of said character, or who doesn't feel at home in their own body (bi-sexual in a hetero only tolerance family), or who can't quite tell the person that they really like how they feel because they value the friendship, or who clings to parts of their past stubbornly because that's the only link they have to what they were before. It's a bad idea,
m-Kay? Anyways, Now that I have that out of the way... I'm a lifeguard. Wooo.

Entry #15: I AM A LIFEGUARD

That's right, motha fuckas! I'm a lifeguard, certified and bonafide. Gonna get paid to sit around with my shirt off and occasionally save lives.

When you're a lifeguard, you can say anything to calm down a victim. Anything. But. "Everything is going to be okay." Can't say it, can't say it. Gonna get sued if you say it. So I've gotten to saying things more along the lines of "WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?!?" "HAVE YOU HAD A NICE DAY TODAY?" "I LIKE YOUR HAIR!" and other things along those lines. The point is to be assertive :D

Okay, I'm going to complain about my dad a lot here. Not because he's bad, but because he's awesome. My dad is the most amazing fucking person ever, emphasis on the fucking. Like, going out with 4 chicks at a time, including hot redheads and strippers, most of which are closer to my age than his. Fucking dad... Ya know, it's hard to be mad because he's my dad. But c'mon... HE'S MY DAD! It's just a strange setup. And here I am over here being like, "Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, I'm just gonna be hopeless over here in my corner..."

Oh well, That's my week. Oh! And party with Christ tomorrow. See ya!

Entry #14: Summer is here

Which means this can be a normal thing! Or I just get one less excuse. Anyways, I mainly posted this to note two things

1.) My family is the best family ever. WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER! Which we aren't a lot, but that's fine. But the main point is...
Me: (On computer. Get's random nosebleed due to dehydration [IT HAPPENS, OKAY?])
Dad: You watching porn?

No, not "Are you okay?" or "Need a tissue?" Because we watch Dragon ball AVIDLY. Not moderately or lightly or normally or casually. We are addicted to it. It's a drug of the most intense kind. Grew up on it and grow old on it. Although, nosebleeds are in every anime. Like, any anime that has perverts and/or hot chicks has the whole "Spring a nosebleed" thing going on, which I'm guessing (?) is a metaphor for popping a boner? I don't know, it's odd. AND IT DOES NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE! Unless you have a medical condition, in which case that's unfortunate. But yeah, nosebleed = porn

2.) I passed sophomore year. Albeit barely, but I PASSED! NO MAKEUP WORK FOR ME! So now I get to do fun, productive things, like take precal over the summer, or work, or do drivers ed stuff.  That one was short

On another topic, That camera? Yeah, it's coming. I keep saying it is. But it is. I promise.

Eventually.

Entry #13: Summer is coming. Not spring.

Look, the quote is spring is coming, but spring isn't coming, but I wanted to say it... just deal with it, okay? Anyways... moving on. I had an improv show yesterday. All sorts of fun, except when I was getting mixed signals. Apparently, one person heard that I had stolen GLITTER (The right one) while another heard that I had stolen LITTER (the wrong one). So either cats poop in sparkles, or I was just not putting something together properly.

On another note, I helped write and acted in a video, the Angel of Rhapsody, which can be seen here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nlYadcIUDQ. I play the Angel of Rhapsody. Yes, we sing Bohemian Rhapsody. Yes, we are shoe and shirtless while singing it. Yes, we mace each other. The editing sucks, but I didn't do it so not my fault :P

Also, while eating dinner at Luby's:
      Me: Yes, kids, braces hurt. They feel like your face is being crushed.
      Dad: But they didn't hurt me. I'm super tough.
      One of the Kids: You're super fat?
Ah, the wonders of miss hearing. My dad isn't fat...

Entry #12 Okay, I'm still not back.

Again, more illegal blogging. I apologize for the wait, yes I will get ungrounded, yes I will get a camera, blah blah blah whatever. I do what I want, okay? And... sheesh. It's been a long time. I don't know where to start, honestly. Last one was Christmas time? Insane... Well, I wasn't in UIL, but for one of the shows I'm in I'm a narcoleptic  Which means I pass out on stage and then when I wake up attempt to murder someone. Actually, that last part is pretty normal for me. Oh well. And, in another show, I'm a control freak gay guy! Also, not that different from me... I need better quirks. Anyone? Anyone got good ones that AREN'T me? I promise I'll try them out. ummm.... Gah. I need that camera. I'll just stream the blog and then upload it to an archive. BOOM! No need to edit or anything. Just raw me rambling.
So I've been feeling down, and SOMEHOW a confirmation retreat helped. I mean, faith, right? Who'd a thunk it? Actually, a lot of people. Any who, I'll try to start actually using this site. When I am able to. So soon. I swear. I promise. Really.

...
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Please don't kill me. Please.